Letters To You
by bitternessbitesback
Summary: Shion spends his time writing letters to Nezumi he'll never get to send.
1. 1

07/19

 _Dear Nezumi,_

 _How have you been? It's been quite some time since we last spoke and to be honest I miss it. I can hardly remember how your voice sounded, just the emotions it stirred in me. Do you remember when we first met? How young and foolish I was back then, though so were you. If I never met you I'd probably grown to be an emotionless drone, never questioning anything, and going though life's monotonous routine. Even back then I was not satisfied with my life, desperate for more. Suddenly there you were, drenched in rain and threatening me. Perhaps I should've taken your threats seriously, but it was hard to with you shivering from the cold._

 _It's raining outside now, hopelessly I wish for you to come through that door although I know it'll never 're long gone, moved on without me. Why did you have to leave? Oh well, even if you could tell me it wouldn't change anything. You've gone and I'm here all alone. It's not your fault though so please don't feel bad, perhaps I should move on too? Despite everything I still love you. I know it's a weakness, but you're mine. I won't apologize for still having feelings for you, I'll never regret what we had. I love you Nezumi, with my entire being._

 _Yours Always,_

 _Shion_


	2. 2

08/13

 _Dear Nezumi,_

 _Sorry for not writing for a while, Mom got ill unexpectedly so I had to care for her. The whole thing reminded me of how I used to take care of you when you got sick, oh god you were such a baby. Always making a fuss and demanding my soup despite how you claimed not to like it. My soup was delicious you absolute ass. It's been so long since I last cooked anything, in fact I can hardly bring myself to eat these days. I can picture you going off on me, forcing me to eat like you used to. Nobody's here anymore to do that, not even Mom. She can barely take care of herself and I fear her time is near. If only you were with me it would make her passing so much easier, soon I won't have anyone left. I was telling the truth by the way that a world without you meant nothing to me, steadily 'nothing' is becoming my reality. Do I sound too edgy? I'm sorry, I haven't felt like myself for quite sometime now. Anyway I have to go, I'll write to you soon._

 _Love,_

 _Shion_


	3. 3

8/24

 _Dear Nezumi,_

 _This past week has not been easy for me, Mom is steadily getting worse and I don't know what to do. Steadily she is getting weaker along with me. I'm not the person you knew me to be, I seem to be drowning in myself. If you were here I'd bet you'd say something like "Just swim!". I'm trying, I promise. Mom says "Hi" by the way and that she wishes she got the chance to meet you in person, I wish you had too. You two would've gotten along nicely I think._

 _I saw a rat the other day and it reminded me of you, of the actual rats too. It's been so long I don't even remember their names. In fact I haven't had the best memory as of late. I can hardly remember the color of your eyes, or of your countless books that fascinated me. I do remember dancing with you, it's far too sappy for me to forget. My heart was beating like crazy at that, I'm surprised you couldn't hear it. I even remember my stomach doing flips when you brought me into your arms. I think that's the first and last time I ever danced, perhaps I should try it on my own sometime? I'd look so goofy! You'd probably get a laugh over watching me, it'd be worth it though to hear you laugh again. I have to go, but I'll write when I can._

 _With Love,_

 _Shion_


	4. 4

09/07

 _Dear Nezumi,_

 _Today's my birthday, did you know that? I wish you'd told me yours so I could make you something. Mom passed away on the first of this month, it's my first birthday without her and yet my mind is only on you. I feel slightly guilty about it, but I can't help it. You're always in my thoughts, no matter how hard I try not to think about you. If you were here would you give me a birthday kiss? It's been so long since our last one, I remember trying so hard not to chicken out during our first one. My "goodnight kiss", yet you knew what it really was. You've always been more observant than me, knowing when I was saying goodbye with that kiss. It was kind of annoying actually when you had such a good read on me, yet I could barely tell what you were thinking sometimes. You kept me on my toes you know that? That short time living with you I had the best time of my life. I hope you know I would've lived with you in that dingy room for the rest of our lives, nothing would've made me happier._

 _Wishing you the best,_

 _Shion_


	5. 5

11/23

 _Dear Nezumi,_

 _Today's an important day, though I can't remember why. Do you know why today is special? It's been bothering me all day. Oh well, it doesn't matter anyway. I hope you're not mad at me for not writing in a while, I lost track of time. I'm having difficulties with what day and month it is. I'm almost positive that this is November though, there is snow on the ground and it's been some time since Halloween. Should I invest in a calendar? I don't think it's really that important._

 _What is important though is I can't even remember your face anymore. Try as I might I can't picture it, I know you were beautiful though. I always thought so at least. What did you think of me? Did you think me too skinny? Too weird with my hair and scar? I sure hope not, I've only ever thought the best of you, even during our fights. I swear we fought over the silliest things! Do you even remember what our fights were about? I bet you don't. The sun is setting now so I'm going to go. I want you to know though that you're the best thing that ever happened to me._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Shion_


	6. 6

04/11

 _Dear Nezumi,_

 _I know you thought me foolish when we were teens, back when I didn't want to leave the people in No. 6 to die. Perhaps you were right, but I can't bring myself to care. I don't regret anything that happened between us, not even when you left. I know that's what you had to do despite my personal feelings on the matter. I only wish you came back to me. Don't worry though, I'll be seeing you shortly._

 _I'm weak Nezumi, I haven't taken care of myself these past few months. I can barely keep track of anything anymore, can barely remember you or Safu or my mom anymore. I've skipped more meals than I should've and I think the last time I left the house was in January. Would you scold me for such things if you were here? I think you would, and yet I can't bring myself to care. You should see me now, how skinny I've gotten. I'm more bone than skin now, you'd think I'd never eaten anything in my life. Though my appetite has significantly diminished, and when I can eat it just goes through me._

 _Even now I keep forgetting why I'm writing this. It's because I can feel my time ending on this Earth, even now I can hardly hold the pencil in my hand. I've known for a while now that I'm going to die soon, so one last time I wanted to write to you. Nezumi. The only person I've ever loved, the only one who I felt comfortable being myself around. You allowed me to forget my silly insecurities. To this day I can remember you telling me my scar was sexy. Oh how mad I was at that! I already thought myself unappealing before the wasp had to go and my perception of myself worse! Yet you tried to make me feel better, for that I thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me, for teaching me how to dance, showing me new books, and taking me into your home. Thank you most of all for saving me that day, and for finding my house through the storm._

 _See you soon,_

 _Shion_


End file.
